


run back to what you were running from

by therestisconfetti



Category: Booksmart (2019)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 18:16:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19339945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therestisconfetti/pseuds/therestisconfetti
Summary: The thing is, Hope has never really been one for feeling things. She doesn’t do emotions, doesn’t really care for them.Or other people.So it’s clear why Amy is a whole situation she doesn’t think she can deal with.





	run back to what you were running from

**Author's Note:**

> based on the prompt: “I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me”

 

Hope and Amy are not dating.

At least, that’s what Hope tells herself, even if she does get random, cryptic texts from Gigi asking how her favorite girlfriends are doing.

(Hope tells Gigi to fuck off - affectionately, of course.)

It’s not even like they’ve been in the same continent for the past year. After Hope’s backpacking trip, she packed her things from her childhood home and made her way to NYU for her freshman year all while Amy was in Botswana.

Though, Hope  _did_  visit her for three days. It was terribly awkward but probably the highlight of Hope’s trip all at the same time. They’re still new at this - whatever  _this_  is - and they aren’t sure what to do, almost like they’re hanging in limbo. But Amy is so god damn adorable, and the way she talks about her work as Hope all doe-eyed and soft.

(And yes, they get a re-do of that  _incident_  in Nick’s aunt’s bathroom.

It goes much more smoothly.)

But now Amy’s back in the states and starting her first year at Columbia. Columbia as in, the school that’s literally in the same city as Hope. It means many things, but most importantly it means that Amy will be  _here_  and not miles and miles away with the only thing keeping them together is texts and e-mails and social media.

And they’ve done  _a lot_ of that. Hope has never been one to be glued to her phone, but Amy has a funny way of bending Hope’s will without even knowing it.

“Are you going to see your girlfriend when she gets here?” Annabelle snickers when they grab lunch during her visit.

Hope glares at her. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

Annabelle gives her a shit-eating grin. “Keep lying to yourself, dude.”

“Asshole,” Hope scoffs.

“Seriously though,” Annabelle says. “Grow some balls and make her your girlfriend already. I have  _never_  seen you go soft for someone the way you do for Amy.”

“Fuck right off.”

“Remind me never to hang out with you again,” Annabelle says dryly, but the tease is evident in her eyes.

So Hope invites Amy to come over to her apartment she just moved into. It takes Hope a whole day and a half to actually text her - who  _is_  she anymore? - but Amy agrees almost immediately and they order Chinese takeout and listen to music and watch a couple of episodes of Parks and Rec - Amy’s choice, obviously (though Hope  _does_  like the show, secretly) - and it’s all good.

It’s on the third episode of Parks and Rec when Hope can feel Amy’s eyes on her and she turns.

“What?” she asks softly.

Amy blinks, realizing she’s been caught. She bites her lip in the most frustrating of ways to Hope because  _how_  does one action manage to be adorable and an absolute turn on at the same time?

“Nothing,” Amy stutters out, looking away for a moment before meeting Hope’s eyes again. “I just missed you.”

Hope’s emotions on the outside may be schooled, but for a moment she forgets how to breathe. She’s been falling over Amy for years, way before senior year, and here she is telling Hope that she missed her. She’s here, in Hope’s apartment, eating Chinese takeout and watching Netflix and there is no other place Hope would rather be.

It’s only natural that Hope gives her the smallest of smiles before she’s leaning in and capturing Amy’s lips against hers.

Later, when they are both naked and underneath the covers, Hope is stroking Amy’s hair as the smaller girl lets out a content sigh.

“Welcome to New York nerd,” Hope murmurs.

“What a welcome,” Amy smiles.

It makes Hope chuckles softly and she’s pulling Amy closer against her, arms wrapped around the other girl’s waist. Amy laughs softly, her forehead pressed against Hope’s shoulder.

As they fall asleep, one thing is clear: Hope is so completely, head over heels in love with Amy.

Which is why, after Hope drives her back to Columbia and kisses her goodbye the next morning, watching as Amy gives her that goofy smile and an awkward wave before walking away, she panics.

 _“Dude I don’t see what the problem is,”_  Annabelle says over the phone.

“What do I do?” Hope says in an irritated tone.

_“Uh, I don’t know idiot, maybe tell her you’re in love with her?”_

“Ugh.”

Annabelle proves useless so Hope hangs up without another word.

The thing is, Hope has never really been one for  _feeling_  things. She doesn’t do emotions, doesn’t really care for them.

Or other people.

So it’s clear why  _Amy_  is a whole situation she doesn’t think she can deal with.

Essentially, Hope goes ghost.

Amy’s texts go unanswered. The occasional phone call gets sent to voicemail. Hope gives into her schoolwork and film projects and only comes up for air when she’s in bed at night by herself and she still catches a whiff of Amy on her pillow.

It sucks, but Hope’s never been one to mope so she pushes forward and pretends she doesn’t give a shit.

It works for about a week, but then Hope is in the middle of putting a storyboard together when there’s a knock on her door.

Thinking it’s her pizza she ordered, she slides her headphones off and opens the door. It’s not her pizza; it’s Amy.

Even a week away from her has made her even more vivid and beautiful than Hope remembers. Amy stands on the other side of Hope’s door, looking like a mix of nervous and defiant. Hope recognizes it as the same way she looked in the bathroom at Nick’s aunt’s house, the night that started this whole turn of events.

“Amy,” she says, completely taken by surprise.

“You’ve been ignoring me,” Amy says, and her voice is even and not at all shaky and Hope has to admit it’s impressive.

“School,” Hope immediately replies. “I have so many film projects and-”

“Bullshit,” Amy cuts her off, a fire lit up in her eyes. “You went ghost for  _no_ reason, Hope.”

Hope looks at her a moment and then sighs. She knows better than to give a bullshit reason. She has always been an honest person, and she’s not going to let her feelings for Amy change that.

“Yeah fine,” she shrugs. “I stopped replying. So what?”

Amy scoffs, her emotions starting to surface as Hope recognizes the frustration and slight anger in her when she says, “You gave no reason! You invited me over, had sex with me, and dropped me off and said  _nothing._ There was no warning!”

“Yeah well, that’s what going ghost means,” Hope tells her, and she can’t help the sarcastic draw in her tone, the way it sounds colder than she wants but it’s too late now.

Amy stares at her for a moment, and Hope knows her words stung. She wants to take it back, to apologize, but before she can even open her mouth to attempt to back track, Amy speaks again.

“So that was your plan then?” Amy asks, growing angrier with each sentence. “Was your plan? To -what, screw me one more time before you just never talked to me again?”

“Amy-” Hope tries, but it’s clear the smaller girl is not having it from her.

“I thought you were better than that, Hope,” she says, and the emotions are starting to boil over. Hope can tell because her voice starts to shake, but it’s clear Amy will not stop and let herself cry.

“The whole time I was in Botswana, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. All I wanted to do was talk to you all the time. And i thought, with how we were, you wanted the same. I wanted you, Hope. I  _want_  you. You don’t know how badly I wanted to see you. And then I get here, and we have literally one of the best nights of my life, and then you pull this shit?”

Amy scoffs.

“I thought you were a bitch in high school, but this is a knew low.”

The way Amy is looking at her makes Hope feel like an absolute piece of shit. It’s clear she is no longer the same meek, mild-tempered Amy she used to be. Hope had expected her to just let it go, to be too afraid to talk about it, too afraid to piss off Hope.

She’d gotten it all wrong.

Amy breathes heavily, her eyes never leaving Hope’s. There’s a palpable tension between them now, Hope can feel it. It’s making her anxious.

“You wanna know why I ghosted you?” she asks, voice level.

“Yes,” Amy replies immediately.

Hope braces herself; she’s never been good with emotions, but she’ll try for Amy.

Amy, who literally showed up at her apartment to yell at her and tell her off.

“I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me.”

She says it in a quieter voice, much quieter than Amy and quieter than she’d just been. Her own voice breaks just a little, and though Hope knows she won’t cry, it’s a new level of vulnerability for her.

The confession stuns Amy, whose expression goes from angry to jaw slacked, blinking like an owl at Hope.

“W-what?” Amy asks, unsure if she’s heard right.

Hope shakes her head. “I’ve never been good at emotions, Amy - don’t know if I ever will be. So the fact I’m in love with you is absolutely terrifying. What am I - what am I supposed to do?”

“You could have talked to me,” Amy offers, voice softer now.

Hope scoffs, shaking her head. “You know how I am. And, we haven’t  _really_  been together. You were in Botswana for a whole year. I didn’t want to like, scare you off or something.”

A smile cracks on Amy’s face as she takes a step closer to Hope.

“You and your big, bad persona haven’t scared me yet,” Amy tells her.

Hope tries not to smile. She’s unsure what to do with herself now, having just put herself out there like that. She tries not to think about how Amy hasn’t said it back yet.

“Well that’s good to know,” Hope deadpans, giving an uncomfortable chuckle.

Amy is full out grinning now, eyes lit up in a way Hope doesn’t understand just yet. It makes Hope uncomfortable, the way Amy isn’t revealing all her cards.

“So,” Hope clears her throat. “Is there um, anything else you need or-”

“You ghosted me because you’re in love with me,” Amy repeats, that grin still on her face.

Hope tries not to cringe at the statement; she hates being the vulnerable one here.

“Yes we established that,” Hope confirms. “Can we really just not do-”

She doesn’t get to finish her sentence because Amy is tugging her down and meeting her lips for a soft kiss. It’s nothing spectacular, but Hope would be lying if she said she hasn’t been thinking about kissing Amy for the past week.

Amy pulls away after only a moment and says with a smile, “I think I’m in love with you too.”

Hope doesn’t stop the dumb smile on her face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good,” Hope hums before she’s tugging Amy into her apartment and shutting the door.

Amy laughs before she’s being kissed senseless by Hope.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at backtobasicbellas


End file.
